Suicides in Kerala

Have you ever wondered why in kerala , even after those monumental literacy rate the suicide rate is on the higher side. In the northern states people opt suicide only when their livelihood is deprived , only when there is no means to feed their family. But even towards the last moment, if they feel there is a chance that they could feed their family if they could migrate to the southern states where there is high need for unskilled labourers, then they would probably opt that rather than suicide.
    But its a different story when it comes to kerala, here the youngsters commit suicide because of the psychological impact that the society has on the individuals. The society in kerala always has a way with the budding individuals.From their childhood onwards every kid grows with in a scale of comparison, either with the neighbour , class mate or even with their brother or sister. They grow up with a false urge to be on top of everything, or they fear that they will be branded as useless. Now the beginning is from their class, from the progress reports, later when they grow up it just spreads to everything they come upon. There will always be a fear inside them that people are scrutinizing them . Recently when a college student commited suicide because his parents wont buy him the brand new i-phone, people may think it to be so childish from this youngster but the truth is that the trauma he faced from his childhood , the need to look good before everyone else, and the peer group pressure to be recognized by everyone else have actually killed him. What if he grew up in an ideal society where there is no comparison, or what if he grew in a society where every one minded their own business, then the story of this youngster would be a different one, but today if he has committed suicide in kerala then its not a felo-de-se but this is a homicide committed by the society
          Here people commit suicide not because they dont have enough opportunity to survive, but when they feel they haven't grown up to the expectation of the society

the blue Box

They sold the memories on a street

So i walked those lanes,out ran the needle of times

Just to find myself in a corner

In front of an old shop ,grey and shabby

I didnt know what i was looking for

Still i searched for something

And in that dark corner I did find a thing

A small blue glass box, that sang a song

I havent heard that tune since when?

I remember the melody but not when

So i searched for the owner,Who sold it here?

But nobody knew who it was

But i was lucky to find a log book

but the time has smudged the ink

And the letters were difficult to read

But i did find a name in it, that i should never have forgotten

A friend who taught there are words

words like demise, that a twelve year can never understand

I never wanted to forget her name again

So i bought the blue box from that shop.

Alternate reality

What if there exists a parallel world , an alternate reality ? And what if there exists a wiser me in it who can control my actions and choices that i take in this world. Who knows the future who can see me . But the dimension in which he lives is beyond any imaginations of mine.

 There is a question whose answer i am trying to find? why sometimes god is blind to the people who suffer? And many a times i have been angry with him for this insensitivity. But as always he was silent may be he thought i didn't deserve the answer. But what if i am wrong what if he told me and i didnt listen it or what if i didn't understand it. And in this journey to understand him i came up with the idea of alternate reality.

What if he is really blind. I am not saying he cant see but what if he cant see others but only you. yes a unique god for everyone. who is happy when you are happy , who cries with you, who controls your actions who knows what will happen to you , these are just possibilities a collection of what if's. the truth is beyond my grasp sitting in a dimension that is unknown to me. And after a long struggle of life, if the death , the secret passage to that dimension ,takes me to my god i wouldn't be surprised to see myself , because thats what "Aham Brahmasmi " (Hindu philosophy:Brihadaranyaka Upanishad) means " I am the infinite reality"

Fur Elise

 Why Fur Elise has always been my favorite    composition?I have asked this question to myself  over and over again .

 It was raining outside , in that small hands of a 7  year old there is a small electronic video game. He  dont know much to play it but he knows that each  time he fails, that small gadget is going to sing for  him a song that he has never heard before a tune  that takes his little heart from the solitude to the  grounds of emotions that he has never experienced  before.Each note of it was accompanied by rain  drops sprayed by the cold breeze to his face.He  stood near the window watching the streams of  water taking off the ground,and slowly rolling the stones along with the music that was played in his hands

    There is love in this composition, at the same time there is a grief that comes to your throat slowly steadily and then starting to gain weight  and with that you slowly sink into the depth of voidness , you dont want to fight back the gravity that pulls you downwards but just want to fall into the lap of that Nostalgia and to feel the coldness of the rain drops on you face once again

The last day of mylife

"I have read about mayflies that live for one human day. If that 's true then i am a may fly and this is my last day of existence in this earth."

      We believe we are the supreme form of life and we have consistently looked down at those small creatures  and beings around us , whom we thought are lesser than us and pitied their life. Its our basic nature to create scales of our convenience and to measure others using it. But when we do it have we ever thought who we really are and how much we measure as a whole. To know that we need to know the concept of cosmic calender in which the vast 13.8 billion year life of universe is condensed into a single year, In this visualization, the Big Bang took place at the beginning of January 1 at midnight, and the current moment is mapped onto the end of December 31 at midnight. At this scale, there are 438 years per second, 1.58 million years per hour, and 37.8 million years per day (just a cut and paste from wikipedia )

    imagine in that scale we don't even live for a day , not even for an hour and a second is too long , but we only live for one fifth of a second, Our ego, anger, happiness, sadness everything is just caught inside the blink of an eye,  the vastness of the time around us so formidable that it has decimated us in a second... I am a mayfly and this is my last day