death behind the curtains

For a second i stopped breathing and started thinking
do i need to take one more breath and another
then again do the same thing over and over again ,
 or shall i just stop it here . Put a period and write the end,
close my pen and go to bed , and wait for Hades in a dark big room,
 and cry aloud as if i am alone and none is here to hear the sound
'
and in the night i wouldn't be startled or afraid to hear a sound
behind the curtains , He would be ready
And i will tell him that i dont have anything to offer,
with uncontrolled breaths and panting
He wasnt here to console, but
to feel some raw blood on his face

he told, he wants to hear some screams
and pain when he use his blunt instrument
So bewilder i got
i was already in pain,
and how can i give him his share of my pain
So he decided to wait behind the curtains
Till he sees me all brighten up
and he waited and waited , so he grew old and died.